Am I sharing too much on social media?

….I definitely am. Relationships, sex, the way I see myself, the way I see the world, what I had for breakfast - you’ll find all these things on my social media. I know a lot of people see social media as a bad influence. And I totally get that. I’ve just never felt that way myself. I’ve always thought of myself as an outsider. Just a person that usually doesn’t fit in. It’s not easy for me to make new friends and that’s why I make sure I always cherish the old ones. And honestly - it’s social media that have given me lots of those friendships and also love, education and the possibility to evolve in a creative way. Who did we look up to when we were younger? Celebrities. What was inspiring us? Movies and tv shows. But those are not real. And now I'm not saying that everything on instagram is real. Obviously most people are only posting the good moments and not the bad ones. But even that is changing a lot these days. But what we can see is for example a small girl from a village in the middle of nowhere moving to Australia and living her dream. Or a girl that started to make bracelets just for fun and suddenly she’s growing into having her own e-shop with lots of different handmade things and again - living her dream. Someone might feel jealousy seeing this, but someone might get the last kick to finally move their ass and make their own dreams come true. Social media are giving us the idea that life is so much more than just finishing school, getting married, breed and die.

In my head there is a nonstop buzz. One thought after another. One second I'm thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner and in another second I'm thinking if my ex boyfriend I was dating 14 years ago was right and I really look bad having my hair in ponytail. The only thing that always helped me to calm my mind was writing. (and now yoga.) I'm journaling probably since I learnt how to read and write. Even though at first I was just writing down all the books that I had read and their reviews. I started with a real journal where I was writing my thoughts and emotions when I was twelve and I fell in love for the first time. That feeling gave me the urge to share it somewhere.

When I was thirteen people started blogging and of course I couldn’t miss this opportunity. Most of the days I was just writing that I got sick again and couldn’t go to school. See, I was sharing all this crap before facebook, instagram and twitter even existed. Not long after I started to write short essays that I truly worked on but wasn’t giving them to anyone to read. But I remember deciding that I will give one to my parents to read. I was such a romantic soul at that time and it was a story about how my first boyfriend finally told me he loved me in Greece and we were sitting on empty beach just watching the moon. And this story made my parents cry. I think that was the first time I realised I actually want to make people feel something through my writing. I want to make them cry, laugh and most importantly - I want to make them feel less alone. I want to show them that no matter what they are going through, someone else is going through it as well. Now this will probably sound very egoistic but maybe I don’t know anything about politics, but I know a lot about life. I'm only 27 but I’ve been through hell and made my way up again. I believe I have things to say and share. Relationships, friendships, heartbrakes, sex, unstable family, rape, bulimia, self-harm…

Now those are all really important topics and I still don’t have the balls to speak publicly about all of them. That’s why I rather go and write on twitter how much my manipulative ex boyfriend is still pissing me off even though it’s been two years since our break up. It’s childish but at least I feel better.

Anyway, talk shit about Lena Dunham however you want, but I fucking love her. I love her book “Not That Kind Of Girl” and I love her show “Girls.” The reason why she’s getting so much hate is because she’s real. Most of us if we’re having a shitty day, we go and put on some show or a movie to turn off our brains a little bit. We consume and consume. We’re watching all these people that look their best no matter the situation they are in, somehow they always have time and money to just sit in a coffeeshop or a bar and never have to work, no girl is ever having issues with her body and guys are born with six pack. Well, in a show Girls you will realise that every girl is having a belly roll during sex, every man is watching porn and masturbate, every girl is watching porn and masturbate, it’s okay not to know what you want to do in life and it’s normal to have cellulite and acne. THIS is that sort of stuff that make me feel better about my life and my everyday problems. Knowing that my reality is reality of others as well. And when I read Lena’s book I knew that this is what I wanted to do. It’s her memoir but instead of writing how she got famous and became an actress, producer, director, writer and who knows what else, she writes about things like losing her virginity. Which is something we’ve all been through, right? (or will) And I believe a lot of us (especially us girls) were thinking that it was going to be something special. A memorable experience. Because that’s what all the romantic movies told us. Well, and then it happened on a small couch, with parents in the next room and the guy left straight after for his karate lesson. No candles, no massage … ups.

So yeah. It was my decision to be open on social media and my rule is to be open and real all the time. That’s why you can find out how often I masturbate, who is pissing me off at the moment or that for dinner I had wine instead of food. I am a shy person but there’s a big difference between being shy and feeling shame. I don’t think I have any shame left. None us should feel ashamed. We’re only people. Basically animals.

Anyway you know how it works - you’re enjoying reading my bullshit, you keep following me. You don’t enjoy reading my bullshit - you unfollow me. Wow, so bloody easy, right?