Why would a woman enjoy having sex for money?

But honestly, why would she? Isn’t sex for money something that we worked so hard against as women? To not be seen as objects? To be treated with respect? To be able to have big successful careers? To take away the power from men to be able to take whatever they want? Isn’t that what feminism is about?

I'm mind blown by how many people have actually no idea what feminism is truly about. Seems like a lot of people think that it means that a man doesn’t have to open a door for a woman, because she can do it herself. But that’s simply about manners and being a gentleman. Recently I saw a Tiktok of a younger girl saying she’s not a feminist, because she loves staying at home and cooking for her man. I do sometimes feel that humans’ brains are shrinking instead of evolving. Feminism was always about having the same choices and opportunities as men. Getting the same pay as men. You wanna be a good housewife? Good for you! You want kids but also want to focus on your career? Do it! You don’t want kids at all? Don’t have them! Things are changing but we are still not there. Just look at porn. It’s always Onlyfans girls who get all the hate. But do people realise there’s a lot of successful men on Onlyfans too? Do the haters ever watch porn? Because in basically every porn there is a man on the screen as well. Yet no one is talking about his self worth and how his parents must be so proud of him. Because if a man fucks bunch of hot women he’s a winner and he deserves respect. If a woman fucks a lot of men and she enjoys herself - she’s a whore.

Aren’t we told by the society from very early age that it’s men who only think about one thing. It’s men who can’t control themselves. It’s the young boys and their raging hormones. No one talks about female hormones unless someone is assuming that a woman is cranky because she’s on her period. We’re told it’s only men that need and want sex. It’s only men that masturbate. Women are only having sex to satisfy their men and to get pregnant. Sex for a woman is basically an act of service.

I honestly believe that we’ve been told all these things only to make women small. Because there’s nothing more powerful than a confident woman who is in touch with her sexuality, her needs, and when she knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.

The truth is it’s not just men who constantly think about sex. Women do too. The difference between men and women is that women can control themselves a bit better. Just because you as a man don’t get catcalled on the street, doesn’t mean no one is checking you out. Every summer I sit in the park and I'm lurking at all the men in shorts. Shorts and trainers. That’s my weakness. The only thing that gets me through hot yoga is looking at the topless sweaty men flexing their muscles and fantasising what is underneath those little shorts. We look but we don’t stare. We are discreet. Maybe it’s because we know how it feels to be made uncomfortable, or even threatened. Although I highly doubt a grown ass man would ever be afraid to be raped by a cute blonde who clearly finds him hot.

Whoever said “Young boys and their raging hormones” has never met a woman whilst she’s ovulating. I’ve been grinding against table corners for the past three days, crying with frustration when watching porn right after I climax because my hitachi is just not enough. And I'm never fully satisfied and always want more. I've been trying really hard not to send a nude to my Gen Z client. I'm sure he wouldn’t mind but I need to keep it professional and of course I'm not an animal, but also right now I'm just a very weak horny woman that needs a cock. Desperately. But libido is something that is individual. Not everyone is a horny person. Including men. In my last relationship it was me who was always begging to get some and was constantly being told no. Mostly because my ex was only attracted to fresh meat and the already well known territory just didn’t interest him that much anymore. And in my past three-year relationship we basically took turns. We started the relationship constantly fucking. Evening? Let’s fuck. One of us woke up in the middle of the night? Let’s fuck. Morning? Time to fuck. Then there was a period when he didn’t want to have sex that much. Then we swapped and he wanted to but I wasn’t in the mood. Later our needs met up again. Especially when it comes to women, hormones are playing such a big part when it comes to libido. Where is she in her cycle? And does she have a regular cycle? Is she on hormonal contraception? Is she going through menopause? And as I said - libido is a very individual thing. Some people are just not horny people and that’s completely okay. I was definitely a wild teenager. I had sex with a lot of guys in gross places and I loved it. But my parents also put me on contraception at the age of 15. And obviously as a child you just do what adults tell you to do and you don’t even think about asking any questions like: What does this magic pill, that stops me from getting pregnant, do to my body? What are the side effects? But really, what does it do to my body??!!

Society still does not accept a sexual woman very well. I was assaulted at the age of 18 and after a female detective, who should have been on my side, shamed me for basically just being a teenage girl who likes to have fun, I ended up carrying that shame with me for many years. I no longer enjoyed the power of seduction. I hated dressing up sexy and I hated when men looked at me. When I got catcalled I immediately felt like I needed to put more clothes on. But how do you put more clothes on when you’re already in your winter clothes? I didn’t understand because it’s not like I was standing on the pavement in a mini dress and stockings asking for attention. I was just existing, so why were men still looking at me that way? I didn’t enjoy sex as much either anymore. It had nothing to do with the assault, I just felt like I wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. At the beginning of my twenties I ended up going almost two years without sex. And it was the first time I ever felt insanely sexually frustrated, and so horny it was killing me. Let’s also note that I was not masturbating at that time. I honestly didn’t know how and no one ever talked about female masturbation. I never had a clitoral orgasm by that point and really thought I was not able to have one. Sure, I would sometimes have a blanket between my legs and hump it and it felt nice, but I also had the old fashioned belief that if I was to have an orgasm, a man was supposed to give it to me. Then I was visiting my hometown and I bumped into my high school one-night-stand who looked hotter than ever. The same night we met for drinks and ended up having wild nasty sex. The kind I was supposed to feel ashamed for but it felt so good. I forgot about the bullshit voice in my head saying that being in doggy is disrespectful towards me because a man that really cares about me me wants to be looking into my eyes whilst fucking me. We ended up fucking for hours like animals and I just let everything go and felt like my old self for a little while.

Soon after that I met my ex boyfriend and my longest relationship. The sex with him was so hot and so different from what I had known. He would have his hand very gently around my neck, looking deeply into my eyes and talking to me dirty, whilst fucking me mindlessly. It was driving me nuts. No one talked to me dirty like that before. I would then go to work and constantly have flashbacks about the previous night. I loved that he was in charge, I loved that he became a completely different person during sex and he would just lose himself in the passion and fucking. I was jealous of him. I wanted to be able to let go as well. But when he wanted to be looking at us in a mirror whilst he was fucking me from behind, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Again - like I shouldn’t be enjoying this. I shouldn’t be looking at myself during such an intimate moment. Like it’s sacred and I have to be a prude so he would respect me. During those three years we were together, I went vegan, healed my toxic relationship with food, started practising yoga and started to really care about health and nutrition. I also lost some weight and felt really good and confident in my body after a really long time. But I was still incredibly shy and still had a problem simply standing naked in front of my ex. As I was learning so much about food and really started to care what I was putting into my body, I decided I did not want to be taking hormonal contraception anymore. I was on it for almost 10 years and after I learnt what it actually does to me, I couldn’t believe I was willingly swallowing that shit for so long. My ex was super supportive of that decision. Getting off of it was not easy. I had terrible skin and incredibly painful breakouts, which took years for it to sort itself out. But it was worth it. As my cycle started to be natural, and I was experiencing that beautiful thing called ovulation, everything changed. I don’t even remember how it happened, but one day I was having a shower and as I was using the shower head between my legs, it started to feel good. So I kept going. It didn’t take long and I had my very first clitoral orgasm. I had squirted before, and had a G spot orgasm, but this was such a different sensation. And I managed to do it myself. Well, with help from a shower head. And there I was - a 24 year old woman who for the first time ever discovered the beauty of masturbation. Suddenly I was showering five times a day. I would have amazing sex with my boyfriend, but right after I would hop in the shower and masturbate over what just happened. I finally understood what it means to be multi-orgasmic. I just couldn’t get enough. I was like a 12 year old boy who just discovered wanking in a 24 year old woman’s body. It wasn’t just my libido and my skin that changed after getting off contraception. The very rapid mood swings and irrational behaviour was gone. My brain fog was gone as well. It felt like for the first time in ages I could see things clearly and was able to make rational decisions. I broke up with my ex because the relationship simply was not working. We’ve been through a lot of drama and even though it wasn’t an easy decision, it made complete sense. Six months later I started using Tinder. And I really went full-on. I absolutely loved the attention I was getting from men. With my ex we used to fight a lot about the fact he was always on his phone messaging his friends whilst we were together. And suddenly I was out on a date with a new guy, who paid attention only to me for the whole evening? No phone, no tv, no football. Only me, like I was the star of the night. I loved the flirting, the excitement of the unknown, the first kisses, and then taking them home to my place. I was open to a relationship but it just wasn’t happening for me. There were a few guys I was really into, but usually I got ghosted or friendzoned and unfortunately very soon I got bored. I felt like I was putting too much effort into it and not getting much back. I was asking myself: “Did I really just waste my whole evening to bang a guy who can’t even get it up? Or to bang someone who’s done after a few thrusts? From all the dates I had, there was only one guy who literally fucked the shit out of me like we were on a porn set, and it was so good that even being friendzoned afterwards was kinda worth it. But otherwise I ended up still horny, greedy for male attention. Yet I also felt like I couldn’t be bothered to be putting my energy into it. Let’s also acknowledge the fact I was a barista working a very hard, draining job 45 hours a week.

When lockdown happened I watched a movie called “The New Romantic” where basically the main character finds herself a sugar daddy who buys her nice things for discreet fucking. The guy in the movie was older but not at all old. He was actually hot. I thought I could definitely do something like that and started doing my online research to see if there are actually sites for it. That’s when I found Seeking. And very soon I started dating a guy from that site. He wasn’t giving me an allowance, but he was paying for everything we were doing and for my birthday he told me to give him a list of things I wanted and he bought it all for me. I was 26 and he was 41 and it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had. He was insanely hot, but what made it so intense for me was how over the moon he was when it came to me and my body. I’ve never been with a man who was driven crazy just by me being me in my purest state. I’ve never felt more beautiful and sexy, and I felt like I could take over the whole world. And yes, of course it abso-fucking-lutely turned me on being with an older man. The relationship only lasted two months but it was some of the hottest two months of my life. I started sex work soon after that. I think that relationship broke the last barrier of my shame I was given by society towards sex and towards being a woman who fucking loves sex. I found myself walking by the road in the summer wearing my tiny shorts and men would yell at me from a car saying how hot I am, and I enjoyed it. It actually made my day. It was a long journey for me to find a way back to my old self who simply just enjoyed being a woman. Society and contraception had suppressed so much joy and pleasure, of something as natural as sex. I had to learn that I can flirt with men, I can dress sexy, I can go out drinking, I can enjoy sex and still not deserve to be raped. The assault itself was obviously traumatising, but it was the fact I was indirectly told that I basically asked for it which scarred me for so long.

So after a very long essay let’s go back to the original question, shall we? Why would a woman enjoy having sex for money? As always, I'm talking from my own experience. Not every sex worker actually loves what they do. There’s a lot of survival sex workers out there who just don’t have another option. But there are also a lot of us who absolutely adore what we do and take it very seriously. It’s a job that is not for everyone. But what job is? And the reason we enjoy it is simple - because women love sex. Often even more than men. Because unlike them we can just keep going nonstop. Let’s remind ourselves that women are the only ones who have an organ that is simply just for pleasure. And yet so many men out there don’t even know where it is. (I'm begging you, do your research.)

I always wanted a different life for myself. Whilst everyone at the end of high school were searching for the jobs they were gonna apply for, I just wanted something more. I never dreamt of a big career, house, car, and definitely not kids. There’s a quote I really resonate with in a tv show called Girls when Lena Dunham’s character says “Everybody acts like I'm nuts. I'm not nuts … I just want to feel it all.” It really stuck with me. Because that’s literally what I wanted from life. I just wanted to feel everything that life has to offer. I wanted life to be an exciting adventure. Boredom and being stuck is what terrifies me. And I can happily say that I got what I wanted. Because sex work is anything but boring. I constantly feel high on life when it comes to the experiences I'm having. I feel warmth in my heart when I think about the people I’ve met thanks to it, and the ones I'm still going to meet in the future. It’s a routine that never feels like a routine. I definitely enjoy it more than regular dating because it allows me to not be juggling between 12 hours shifts, being a slut, and also finding enough time for myself to simply just exist and do nothing. I think all the fans of Sex And The City should think about how Samantha Jones managed to be a full time slut, having booty calls at 3am, whilst also being a successful business owner who’s making enough money to live in a city like New York. Yet somehow also having enough time to stay fit, get her nails and hair done, and spend a lot of time with her girlfriends. I’ll tell you what - that sort of lifestyle is not doable.

Now, I know it seems like I'm glamorising sex work, so let me tell you - no of course you’re not constantly having the best time of your life. You’re not always going to expensive restaurants and being given extra gifts. Yes, you do absolutely get to fuck people you’re not attracted to, and some might even repulse you. That’s why it’s called “sex work” and not “sex fun time”. It is a privilege to be able to be selective, not having to say yes to every request and not having to do things you don’t really feel like doing with clients. In three years of being an escort I had three not so pleasant experiences. And they happened at the very beginning when I was a newbie, had incredibly low rates and had a hard time setting boundaries for myself. But not after a single one did I feel like quitting. Because as I said many times, I genuinely love what I do and I’ve had so, so many positive experiences and met so many wonderful people, which absolutely beat the few bad ones. Again - it’s not for everyone. I'm not grossed out by older bodies, I'm not grossed out by bigger bodies. I can easily amuse a man who’s 51 and the next day I have no problem being my absolute best charming self with a 20 year old. And as I said before - the age difference definitely turns me on. I genuinely love being seen in public with an older man, who could easily be my dad and wondering if people suspect that he’s gonna be eating me out later. Shit like that is so successful in porn for a reason.

The only way for a woman to enjoy herself as a sex worker is to really love sex and to really love men. Love every inch of them. We all shit on men, even men shit on men, but I can also proudly acknowledge I would not wanna live in a world without them. And thanks to them I get to pay my rent so how could I not love and appreciate them?

For me sex work can be barely comparable to the tinder dates I used to have. The Tinder dates do get boring because naturally you’re meeting with people in certain age range that you think is appropriate, and you do pick men superficially based on looks. I’ve never ended up being friends with anyone from Tinder. There is also no doubt that clients do make a bigger effort when meeting a companion than dudes on dating sites. No Tinder guy ever brought me chocolate or flowers on a first date. Clients do that on a regular basis. I did have a great time dating whilst travelling but I think it’s also because I was dating Americans and even American clients are just in a different league. They love spoiling women, they are easy going, and they like to make it a memorable experience. But then returning to Europe was harsh. I matched with a guy on Tinder in Czech who was cute, and I was really looking forward to dressing up, going to a bar, having drinks and chats, and the flirting, but then he messaged me just prior to the date asking if we can just go to his place straight away. Same thing happened to me right after I got back to the UK. No meeting in a public place, no dinner, no drinks, just going straight home with them. It’s like those men are just looking for a free escort. And you know what? If I'm supposed to give it up for zero effort I might as well just get paid for it. I think there’s a huge misconception about sex workers, that they just have sex with anyone even in their private lives. And that goes for content creators, pornstars, strippers and escorts. When in fact that couldn’t be further from the truth. At least for me.

So yeah, I've never made friends with any Tinder guys, and apart from a couple of people in Costa Rica I’ve never even met anyone more than once. But I did make some incredible connections with clients. I know providers always talk about boundaries, and professionalism etc. and they are completely right. But also we’re humans, and like in every other industry, things happen. I had a wonderful client who I really liked and felt super comfortable with, invited him to come visit me in Costa Rica (as a friend of course) and he did. We had a beautiful romance and now he’s a very close friend of mine. I also had a little romance with a submissive client which I had an insanely hot foot fetish session with. Who would have thought that a man lying on the floor, licking your dirty Vans, while you instruct him to jerk off his beautiful cock would turn you on enough to say yes to a date invitation? I’ve also got a client who I’ve been seeing regularly for three years and it always feels like meeting an old friend. He pays me for a certain amount of time, but when I'm with him I don’t care about the clock because I enjoy his company so much. We always catch up, we go down memory lane and talk about all the things we’ve already done together. We fuck, we drink, we fuck some more, and sometimes we end up dancing naked around his living room.

I feel like a lot of people think that it’s only the men who no one else wants to fuck who pay for escorts. But that is simply not true. Men who are seeking sex workers are married guys, single guys, divorced guys, attractive guys, fit guys, fat guys, unattractive guys, students, older guys, awkward guys, wealthy guys, religious guys. It’s the kind of men you have in your life as well. It’s your brothers, your friends, your boss, your Dads and your sons. And I guess that’s what I love about it the most. The range of people I get to meet and no one is the same. And it’s also people I would have otherwise never met.

The reason why women love having sex for money is because we get laid and we get to buy ourselves pretty things afterwards. With no strings attached. Sex work is a mixture of pleasure and freedom. And those are my two favourite things.

L. x